Post the prompt assignment you chose, the title of your piece, and also a link to it (a link to it on the YWP website). Do not post your actual piece here.
The prompt was: Spring is a time of rebirth and nature kicking in for its big show. Write a poem or story about a plant, animal or creature, real or imagined, coming to life. My poem is called The seed and the sun https://youngwritersproject.org/node/27671
I love how you refer to “mother sun” in this poem. You portray the sun as a loving, nurturing figure. I very much like that image.
I really like the line, “Living for the touch of the sun” You personify all beings in this poem and wanting contact with another is a very human trait. You describe the plant’s fingers. You describe what the plant is hearing. You describe its dreams, its craving, and its patient nature. I love it!
Zia, I loved your poem for multiple reasons. My first one being the personification. Spring is shown as very nurturing. To be perfectly honest, I don’t entirely enjoy all the rain that comes with spring but I love your lines describing it as follows: “Spring/ It is here/ With open arms and a watering can.” Your poem had some really nice, descriptive language.
The prompt was, Senses: Take a walk in your neighborhood, on a farm, in a city, down a school hallway. Stop for a moment and use as many senses as you can to describe what you see, hear, touch, smell -- and maybe even taste. Write a poem about your discoveries. My poem is called: A Walk in a Wooded World link: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/27874
Emilia, I really loved the detail and description in your piece. I especially like the lines “the bark of the newly-budding trees, / Wet with the rain of promised flowers to come.” Your writing really painted a picture in my head of Vermont. I know I live in Vermont, but even if I didn’t I think I could still imagine it. Reading it reminded me of the happiness and relief that I feel after a long winter is finally over. The part where you talk about maple trees and sap made me happy because it reminded me of when I used to make my own syrup. It was a really nice piece to read. Good job.
Prompt: Photo-1 Sunset. Your character wanders off to this dock to watch the sunset. Something important has just happened and they need time alone. Tell the story. Title: The Sun Always Seems to Set at Inconvenient Times Link: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/28351
Wow! I loved your response to the photo prompt! The imagery was really amazing, and the details that you put in really made the story come to life. The message of the pain losing a friend is something that I think a lot of people can relate to, and I think it is very cool that you included something which people can feel a connection to, while enjoying the eloquent writing that you have put forth.
There were so many lines that I loved, but the last line, "Then I walk away because I don't want to feel alone anymore." was so powerful, and an incredible way to end your piece. The mood shift of the story was completely unexpected, and I loved that, because of this, everything that I was reading was a surprise. The title was also really creative, and I felt it fit the piece very well. I really enjoyed reading your piece!
I really enjoyed reading your story! All the details and images that you created were like watching a movie. I loved the line, "After dark, the moonlight would shine and bounce off the water’s surface. Dipping your toe in the water created a ripple that seemed to go on forever." I also really like that even though the story was short, you were able to put a lot of meaning and emotion into it!
Prompt: Home. Where is your home? Far away in another land? Or here, where you live today? Read the poem "Home" by Balkisa Omar, a member of the Vermont slam poetry group Muslim Girls Making Change. Write about your own experience of home. Title: Home Link: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/28367
I like how you put emphasis on the idea that the concept of “home” is not restricted to the house you live in—that “home” is not the place itself, but the way it makes you feel. I agree that you are at home anyplace that you love. I also like the three lines where you describe your family members—they fit nicely together and they really capture the dynamics of a loving family. They also make your poem more personal, as the rest of it focuses more on general ideas than specifics. Finally, I like that you start by asking, “What is Home?” and end with “Home is where the heart always is./And that, is the final answer.” It really brings the poem together.
Prompt: Take a walk in your neighborhood, on a farm, in a city, down a school hallway. Stop for a moment and use as many senses as you can to describe what you see, hear, touch, smell -- and maybe even taste. Write a poem about your discoveries. Title: you are walking on the beach. open your eyes Link: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/28369
I really enjoyed your piece, and I think you did a really good job using different senses to create an experience throughout your poem, that makes the reader feel as if they are actually walking on a beach. The details that you included, such as "the air feels corrosive but you like its salty bite," add to the theme and image created by your poem.
I also really liked to comparisons that you made, especially when you made the connection between the orange color created by the sun shining on your eyelids, to the inside of grapefruit or algae. I thought this was a very cool section that added a lot of vibrancy to your description.
One of my favorite lines was, "a wave fans out on the sand before your toes, sounding like a sigh and your tracks are erased behind you." I loved how this is the line that ended your poem, resolving it in a way that makes you feel like you just finished a walk along the ocean. I really loved your poem!
I thought your piece was incredibly well pieced together. I loved how you allowed the reader to both be apart of it, but also allowing some imagination and letting the reader think the way they want to see the scene. I liked how you mentioned some things taht you never would have originally thought of when looking out at the sea like "the scent of the wind—like the ghosts of all the fish in the sea." and "a wave fans out on the sand before your toes, sounding like a sigh". It makes me think about when I go to the beach and what I see and smell, and how I'll see it the next time I go.
It didn't work to upload my piece to the YWP site for some reason (even on May 30), so I'm just going to post my piece here.
The prompt was: AWAKENING: Spring is a time of rebirth and nature kicking in for its big show. Write a poem or story about a plant, animal or creature, real or imagined, coming to life. My piece is called "Becoming"'
Becoming by Eloise Silver Van Meter
All winter she has been waiting. Waiting for the light to come; for the colors to fill her eyes. She has dreamed of this moment, heard stories, built subconscious expectations, daydreamed about the day she would fall in love with her surroundings. She has set goals for herself, compiled an itinerary for the season. Spent countless hours preparing herself for what she imagines to be a beautiful birth of the earth that has been subdued by the white sheets.
Though, now that she can smell the sweet air, she finds herself in fear. She is afraid of the knowledge she will cultivate.
How odd it is that the birth of so many colors can act as a mirror–– a mirror that defines only the dark blues and violets within us.
She listened to her sorrows play their melody in her head, Like merciless rulers, and she, a helpless peasant against her restless mind.
Trees turned into flowers, Bushes turned into fruits, Morning became midday and night reflected off of golden skin, purple mountains, and metallic rivers. She would watch the trees’ silhouettes as the sun would lower, Trying to pick out details. She tried to create art that showcased the complexity of the view in front of her, but she struggled to capture the landscape in all of its dimensions.
Soon her life was completely distorted–– Non-important things were deemed important, and important things were deemed as givens. There was a dissonance between her mind and body. She was strung along by whomever she allowed, which was most people she encountered. She wasn’t able to take ownership of her actions.
Until she saw the brutality the forest, the flower-trees, the fruit-bushes, the mountains all went through. The rain from the storm made the air green, as if the spirits of the plants were being lifted to the sky; shedding their sufferings and regrets and allowing themselves to acknowledge defeat as the rain hit them for hours on end, causing them to reflect on their overzealous start to the spring.
She finally looked at herself and was no longer afraid to learn from the plants, because she knew that they too were alive and becoming.
This is such a beautiful poem, Eloise. Though it’s hard to choose, I think my favorite line is “Morning became midday and night reflected off golden skin, purple mountains, and metallic rivers.” I also love that the urgency in the tone of the poem builds up—it starts with a placid description of the plant’s hopes for the spring, but as the plant watches spring begin and struggles to find herself, it becomes more and more chaotic. It seems to reach a climax when it rains, leaving the plants with a sense of peace afterward. That made me think about how a difficult event in life can really put things into perspective—you are forced to take a closer look at how you’ve been going about your life, and it helps you adjust for the future.
This poem put me in another world. I was one second sitting in the kitchen staring at a screen full of words and within the first words I read I was immediately transported to this vibrant and elaborate world that changed and developed with each new line you wrote. I was almost in a trance throughout the entirety of it and I thought it was remarkable truely. Thank you for allowing me to enter the world you had so thoroughly come up with.
The prompt was: Spring is a time of rebirth and nature kicking in for its big show. Write a poem or story about a plant, animal or creature, real or imagined, coming to life. My poem is called The seed and the sun
ReplyDeletehttps://youngwritersproject.org/node/27671
Zia,
DeleteI love how you refer to “mother sun” in this poem. You portray the sun as a loving, nurturing figure. I very much like that image.
I really like the line, “Living for the touch of the sun” You personify all beings in this poem and wanting contact with another is a very human trait. You describe the plant’s fingers. You describe what the plant is hearing. You describe its dreams, its craving, and its patient nature. I love it!
-Eloise
Zia, I loved your poem for multiple reasons. My first one being the personification. Spring is shown as very nurturing. To be perfectly honest, I don’t entirely enjoy all the rain that comes with spring but I love your lines describing it as follows: “Spring/ It is here/ With open arms and a watering can.” Your poem had some really nice, descriptive language.
DeleteThe prompt was, Senses: Take a walk in your neighborhood, on a farm, in a city, down a school hallway. Stop for a moment and use as many senses as you can to describe what you see, hear, touch, smell -- and maybe even taste. Write a poem about your discoveries.
ReplyDeleteMy poem is called: A Walk in a Wooded World
link: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/27874
Emilia, I really loved the detail and description in your piece. I especially like the lines “the bark of the newly-budding trees, / Wet with the rain of promised flowers to come.” Your writing really painted a picture in my head of Vermont. I know I live in Vermont, but even if I didn’t I think I could still imagine it. Reading it reminded me of the happiness and relief that I feel after a long winter is finally over. The part where you talk about maple trees and sap made me happy because it reminded me of when I used to make my own syrup. It was a really nice piece to read. Good job.
DeletePrompt: Photo-1 Sunset. Your character wanders off to this dock to watch the sunset. Something important has just happened and they need time alone. Tell the story.
ReplyDeleteTitle: The Sun Always Seems to Set at Inconvenient Times
Link: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/28351
Wow! I loved your response to the photo prompt! The imagery was really amazing, and the details that you put in really made the story come to life. The message of the pain losing a friend is something that I think a lot of people can relate to, and I think it is very cool that you included something which people can feel a connection to, while enjoying the eloquent writing that you have put forth.
DeleteThere were so many lines that I loved, but the last line, "Then I walk away because I don't want to feel alone anymore." was so powerful, and an incredible way to end your piece. The mood shift of the story was completely unexpected, and I loved that, because of this, everything that I was reading was a surprise. The title was also really creative, and I felt it fit the piece very well. I really enjoyed reading your piece!
I really enjoyed reading your story! All the details and images that you created were like watching a movie. I loved the line, "After dark, the moonlight would shine and bounce off the water’s surface. Dipping your toe in the water created a ripple that seemed to go on forever." I also really like that even though the story was short, you were able to put a lot of meaning and emotion into it!
DeletePrompt: Home. Where is your home? Far away in another land? Or here, where you live today? Read the poem "Home" by Balkisa Omar, a member of the Vermont slam poetry group Muslim Girls Making Change. Write about your own experience of home.
ReplyDeleteTitle: Home
Link: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/28367
I like how you put emphasis on the idea that the concept of “home” is not restricted to the house you live in—that “home” is not the place itself, but the way it makes you feel. I agree that you are at home anyplace that you love. I also like the three lines where you describe your family members—they fit nicely together and they really capture the dynamics of a loving family. They also make your poem more personal, as the rest of it focuses more on general ideas than specifics. Finally, I like that you start by asking, “What is Home?” and end with “Home is where the heart always is./And that, is the final answer.” It really brings the poem together.
DeletePrompt: Take a walk in your neighborhood, on a farm, in a city, down a school hallway. Stop for a moment and use as many senses as you can to describe what you see, hear, touch, smell -- and maybe even taste. Write a poem about your discoveries.
ReplyDeleteTitle: you are walking on the beach. open your eyes
Link: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/28369
I really enjoyed your piece, and I think you did a really good job using different senses to create an experience throughout your poem, that makes the reader feel as if they are actually walking on a beach. The details that you included, such as "the air feels corrosive but you like its salty bite," add to the theme and image created by your poem.
DeleteI also really liked to comparisons that you made, especially when you made the connection between the orange color created by the sun shining on your eyelids, to the inside of grapefruit or algae. I thought this was a very cool section that added a lot of vibrancy to your description.
One of my favorite lines was, "a wave fans out on the sand before your toes, sounding like a sigh and your tracks are erased behind you." I loved how this is the line that ended your poem, resolving it in a way that makes you feel like you just finished a walk along the ocean. I really loved your poem!
I thought your piece was incredibly well pieced together. I loved how you allowed the reader to both be apart of it, but also allowing some imagination and letting the reader think the way they want to see the scene. I liked how you mentioned some things taht you never would have originally thought of when looking out at the sea like "the scent of the wind—like the ghosts of
Deleteall the fish in the sea." and "a wave
fans out on the sand before your toes, sounding like
a sigh". It makes me think about when I go to the beach and what I see and smell, and how I'll see it the next time I go.
It didn't work to upload my piece to the YWP site for some reason (even on May 30), so I'm just going to post my piece here.
ReplyDeleteThe prompt was: AWAKENING: Spring is a time of rebirth and nature kicking in for its big show. Write a poem or story about a plant, animal or creature, real or imagined, coming to life. My piece is called "Becoming"'
Becoming
by Eloise Silver Van Meter
All winter she has been waiting.
Waiting for the light to come; for the colors to fill her eyes.
She has dreamed of this moment,
heard stories, built subconscious expectations,
daydreamed about the day she would fall in love with her surroundings.
She has set goals for herself, compiled an itinerary for the season.
Spent countless hours preparing herself
for what she imagines to be a beautiful birth
of the earth that has been subdued by the white sheets.
Though, now that she can smell the sweet air,
she finds herself in fear.
She is afraid of the knowledge she will cultivate.
How odd it is that the birth of so many colors can act as a mirror–– a mirror that defines only the dark blues and violets within us.
She listened to her sorrows play their melody in her head,
Like merciless rulers, and she, a helpless peasant against her restless mind.
Trees turned into flowers,
Bushes turned into fruits,
Morning became midday and night reflected off of golden skin, purple mountains, and metallic rivers.
She would watch the trees’ silhouettes as the sun would lower,
Trying to pick out details.
She tried to create art that showcased the complexity of the view in front of her, but she struggled to capture the landscape in all of its dimensions.
Soon her life was completely distorted––
Non-important things were deemed important, and important things were deemed as givens.
There was a dissonance between her mind and body. She was strung along by whomever she allowed, which was most people she encountered. She wasn’t able to take ownership of her actions.
Until she saw the brutality the forest, the flower-trees, the fruit-bushes, the mountains all went through. The rain from the storm made the air green, as if the spirits of the plants were being lifted to the sky; shedding their sufferings and regrets and allowing themselves to acknowledge defeat as the rain hit them for hours on end, causing them to reflect on their overzealous start to the spring.
She finally looked at herself and was no longer afraid to learn from the plants, because she knew that they too were alive and becoming.
This is the piece I read at the anthology reading.
DeleteThis is such a beautiful poem, Eloise. Though it’s hard to choose, I think my favorite line is “Morning became midday and night reflected off golden skin, purple mountains, and metallic rivers.” I also love that the urgency in the tone of the poem builds up—it starts with a placid description of the plant’s hopes for the spring, but as the plant watches spring begin and struggles to find herself, it becomes more and more chaotic. It seems to reach a climax when it rains, leaving the plants with a sense of peace afterward. That made me think about how a difficult event in life can really put things into perspective—you are forced to take a closer look at how you’ve been going about your life, and it helps you adjust for the future.
DeleteThis poem put me in another world. I was one second sitting in the kitchen staring at a screen full of words and within the first words I read I was immediately transported to this vibrant and elaborate world that changed and developed with each new line you wrote. I was almost in a trance throughout the entirety of it and I thought it was remarkable truely. Thank you for allowing me to enter the world you had so thoroughly come up with.
Delete